Rounding the corner

It’s Sunday night, I’m sitting here on my couch & I’m so tired. And, I’m thankful that I’m tired. I sound like a crazy person saying that but here’s why I’m thankful for being tired right now. I just got back from a bachelorette party in Southern California that I’ve been looking forward to for months. I’m beyond thankful that I felt good enough to go & celebrate with one of my very best friends.  I’m not tired from my chemo right now, I’m tired because I just spent the last couple of days staying up late, laughing so hard I cried, tasting wine & making amazing memories. I don’t use the word blessed on a regular basis … in fact, #blessed on Instagram pictures usually annoys me but damn it, I am one blessed gal. Lauren, I can’t wait to celebrate even more at your wedding in August!

Had you told me last Monday that I would have felt even remotely good enough to fly down to SoCal Thursday night, I would have laughed in your face. I had treatment #5 on Wednesday, June 17 and my friend Sarah flew in from Albuquerque to visit that weekend. We spent all weekend in our PJs, watching HGTV & eating whatever food Matt decided to whip up for us. I was tired but felt pretty good otherwise. Then Monday morning rolled around. I woke up and immediately knew it was not going to be a good day. I got in the shower and had to sit down at one point because just standing there was difficult. I drove to work and contemplated pulling over on the side of the road a couple times because I was pretty sure I shouldn’t have been driving. I almost felt drunk. I was dizzy, my head hurt, my body was so heavy & I was so, so tired. I feel confident saying it was probably the worst I’ve ever felt in my whole life. I lasted a few hours at work and came home to work the rest of the day on my couch. I cursed chemo that day and was worried that I would continue to feel horrible for the remainder of the week. Tuesday was a little better & I worked from home the entire day. Then something beautiful happened and I woke up on Wednesday morning and felt totally back to normal! If there’s one thing I’ve learned about chemo it’s that how you feel is so a "one day at a time" kind of thing.  Ever since Wednesday, I’ve felt great!

Speaking of Wednesday … I had my appointment with the genetic counselor on Wednesday morning to get the results from my genetic testing I talked about in my last post. I was so nervous sitting in the waiting room for that appointment. What she was about to tell me could dramatically change my surgery. If I tested positive for those genetic mutations, I would likely be undergoing a double mastectomy in August. When Agnes, the genetic counselor, called me into the room I tried to read her face. Did she look like she was about to give me bad news? Did she look worried or nervous? I couldn’t tell so I sat on the couch and stared at her as she started talking. It felt like she had been talking forever when she finally said, “Well, I have some good news for you. Everything we tested for came back negative.” I’m pretty sure the people on the other side of the hospital heard the sigh of relief I let out when she said that. I don’t have any genetic mutations that make me any more susceptible to breast cancer than the rest of the population and my surgery on August 6 will just need to be a lumpectomy!

This week is a four day work week and then Mark & Sue fly in from Massachusetts on Friday. They’ll be here for my final round on July 8 (less than 2 weeks away!) and I can’t help but think about how lucky I am to have married into such an amazing family. When I told Dr. Jeske that my in laws were planning to come to my final round with me she made a face and said, “Ok, is this a good or a bad thing?” to which I immediately responded, “This is good!” I guess in laws are a touchy subject for some but I lucked out big time with mine. To have them fly all the way out from Massachusetts to be here with me as I get my final treatment is just incredible. I think this calls for another #blessed.

Round 6, I’m coming for you. You don’t stand a chance, you jerk.

Xo,

Ali